As I wanted to be the sky

12 May 2011

If you would have to call someone in the middle of the night, do you know who would that be? Is not that someone probably the most important person of you life?



When we were teenagers, we wanted to be the sky.

Because all we ever wanted was everything.

But last night I dreamed the sky went black.


If you have had to call someone in the middle of the night, do you know who would that be? Is not that someone probably the most important person of you life? Because he can help you anytime, at any circumstances, without any conditions. Who would you call if you got arrested, if you have gotten lost on the way, if you just could have not slept and need to talk to someone? That is the question you should care about. That is the person you should look for.

If it comes to the things I have done in my life, it does not matter whether they are wrong or right or if I simply regret them. The only thing I can do with my past is to give it some meaning. So if I look back, I am not staring at emptiness of my own achievements, but looking at something which lasts. Because in the end of the day, everyone wants to have it all matter. I am not building bridges, saving the whales or designing the next Prague library. But I should at least try to eliminate the feeling of anxiety which is constantly appearing last two years during my lonely walks home. Because then I would not have to call someone in the middle of the night in the first place.

The thing is, as easy as you fill my soul back up, you can easily broke my spirit for pretty long time. Or you can easily be far far away. Like in fairy tale, behind the endless numbers of mountains and rivers. A ways away. Still looking to a post box every day. What an inspiration for my midnight writing. The spirit is half damaged and the muse has not paid back a visit to me yet.


Has it been already a year? Has it been already a half a year? Almost a year ago I wrote “I think he was the only one and no one else.” Half a year ago I fell in love. A week ago I buried myself in romantic sentiment and waited for you. Or was it vice versa? The memories are mixed up. I should not listen to music while walking home. Because instead of unlocking the front door, I might all of sudden find myself lost in the streets or in the train on the way back. I have imagined that for thousands times, the moment will be exactly like in the movies – slow motion, me, walking towards you, smiling, putting of the glasses, starting running into… fuck, there are no arms who would catch me. And I am not again ready for a fall. The long distance between me and you persists. Sometimes even love is not enough to get where I want to be. Or with whom I want to be. And I still never got to watch sunset with you.


One day I will pack all my dreams and never come back.

But that is another story without happy ending.



  1. Filip May 12, 2011

    Pekny clanek. Doufej, ze si ho precte i ten, komu je urceny.
    Motiv mohl byt i tento ;)

  2. Ivy May 12, 2011

    Ten už si ho přečetl. Ale jinak ten tvůj song je taky příhodný…

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