I wanna be here now

19 March 2011

here is nothing bad of wanting something more every time you get lost in thoughts. But here is something terribly wrong when you have bloody nose and you do not have any idea why.


And again, life can be pretty tricky sometimes.
You can have it all – good job, home, school, friends, boyfriend, family. Like your friend pointed out, you can have your small happy life as a simple worker. You can peacefully sit at your flat in Prague, thinking which thesis you will continue write this evening, whether to analyse a film or contemporary US – Turkish relations, while looking for an inspiration for tomorrow’s creative meeting on redesigning websites of your company. Glamour style. And in the middle of all of these, suddenly there is a blood coming from your nose.

Something got pretty wrong. You need to stop. Take a little break and slow down for another half a year. There is no point in rushing things or getting things done according the plan which has been created more than two years ago. You will look like you are twenty for another couple of years anyway. Is it luck or disadvantage to be 21 years old now? Oscillating somewhere in between, not having any clue what will be in half a year or three months. Has everything in Istanbul seemed really that easy? There is nothing bad of wanting something more every time when you get lost in thoughts. But there is something terribly wrong when you have bloody nose and you do not have any idea why.

Hold your breath. The week has just started.

Take a deep breath. Can we bring you here? Can I bring you home whenever I want? If letting go is easy, then forgetting is impossible.

Make a day just about yourself. Wear your favourite shirt, the one you stole from your boyfriend, and smile on a video you shot with your Germain friend in Istanbul. The short movie is called Imagink Istanbul. For you, it is all about the atmosphere. You feel like going back so intensely that you might start looking for a flight. Flights.

Booked. It’s hard to settle down in Prague when you feel the old known feeling of anxiety with every second breath. How many times will you start over again till you feel like this is finally it? It is a wild world.

You just were at the Czech office of Google. Meet a red big fridge in the hall and an old lady at the front desk who was studying in Paris and can speak fluently English. According to your French boss, you have class. Maybe that is why he brought you with him to Google. Next step. Working as a graphic designer in Prague seems like a good start.

Nothing good ever happened after midnight. But with a view from your window on Prague at night, how could you possibly stop dreaming. In Chinese alphabet there is everything included in the symbol for love: heart, home, friend…

How is it going? Life is going.
And I just wanna be … now.

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