Not that I need proof…

6 June 2010

motiv …And then there was a theatre. Last shift I had to go to, ever, because it was the end of theatrical season and the next one I will be gone in Istanbul. Hopefully. My last play was ballet, Swan lake. Infinitely beautiful classic and very rare (but deserved!) standing ovation in the end. And […]

motiv


…And then there was a theatre. Last shift I had to go to, ever, because it was the end of theatrical season and the next one I will be gone in Istanbul. Hopefully.
My last play was ballet, Swan lake. Infinitely beautiful classic and very rare (but deserved!) standing ovation in the end. And at the moment I stood up and clapped my hand, I just wished someone have shared this moment with me. And this is also the whole point. It’s raining outside and I have no umbrella. So I wish someone was waiting for me outside in the storm with the umbrella. These days I just wish.
Where was I… Standing ovation. Then a friend of mine was waiting for me in front of the theatre. And suddenly my whole ugliness came back to me again. And all the way home I was just trying to find the answer on “What has he ever seen in me“.
Honestly, I don’t know…
What I have ever seen in him.

F like a Failure.
Is there life on Mars?
I would fly there in a minute.

Endless night ways home.
And I always wondering
what it would be like
to cross the street
just a second later.

And by the time I was walking broken
and in tears
I realized I don’t wanna go home.
I cried a river
for the unbearable heaviness of life.

I gave up happiness,
it made me too sad.
Then I gave up on you.

But when it come to failure, it’s just my own failure, there’s no one else I could blame and that’s what I enjoy the most about my mistakes. They are just mine and have nothing to do with another person. And I learned so much from my mistakes, I’m thinking of making few more.

In the meantime
I can feel
that I’m also gonna have a good time.

Not that I need proof.

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