Leaving home at 8 a.m., getting home around midnight… and I’m not even working! Sort of… Spring just has begun and I’m already thinking how great was the last part of winter… want it back so badly… Today I spent my afternoon for the first time in this semester in a park. It happened to be… by unbelievable movement of fate… with someone I have the brightest memories in park with. Lucky me? No, like I said once, I would exchange all of -parks and bestfriends- with a few moments with you. I think. Because somehow, I haven’t been in park with you yet and if that wouldn’t work, well well…
Let’s back to my life. I love it. Especially in the spring, how you could imagine… I feel the unbearable weight of duties but who cares if you have freedom to choose what will you do in the next two hours when your course has been cancelled…. if you have the opportunity to call whoever you wanna call… and if you have luck to be with someone who you wanna be with.
I love when I have free space between classes, going wherever I like to, and suddenly the classes don’t seem so boring anymore and I can’t find out if it is just because I finally choose only the courses I really want to attend or it just the spring which makes everything more acceptable. And I love volunteering. Just to stop by the One world festival and then to stuck there for an hour and half and just helping… and feeling good… useful… and the other egoistic emotions. I realized I just need it in my life, constantly.
Have I already told here I miss you? Well I do. You are looking forward to read here about things I don’t wanna tell you… about us. So what else should I say now? When it comes to you, my own words seem empty and pointless. I usually inconspicuously hide behind phrases of some great writer. Recently it was Antoine de Saint-Exupery… today it will be just me. I have doubts. I am scared. I wanna run. There is no hidden meaning, it’s just the way it is. But is also only the half of the truth. The problem is, I can’t say the other half loudly or write it here. I’m not used to talk about love. Vicious circle. Or it’s just me. You know who I was long before you really get to know me.
Shit. I did it again. To start with an optimistic description of my days and to end with the feelings of the scared naive irresolute irrational little something inside me. -“Nice to meet you but now get the hell back inside and don’t you dare ruin my hapiness all over again!”. I can’t even tell you what this all is about. But I haven’t written anything sensible for a long time – I don’t have time (obviously lame excuse). And that articles with password? Pointless. istanbul.
When the spring comes… I’ll let you know soon… when it comes.